chuckro | Orgazmo, Stonehenge Apocalypse, Real Genius

Orgazmo is about porn, superheroes, and porn about superheroes. (And Mormons.) It was interesting to see it so soon after watching a Kevin Smith film, because while they’re superficially very similar, their styles are dramatically different. They’re both crude, but it’s a different kind of crudeness. They’re both vulgar, but it’s a different kind of vulgarity. Parker is more willing to be goofy, and uses blue language carefully for shock value. Smith has more pretenses towards “realism” and uses blue language in pretty much every line he writes. Parker tends to use events from the headlines mashed together and turned up to 11. Smith tends to write, “What if this random thing happened to me and my buddies?” films. And they’re both much softer on religion than the screaming pundits would have you believe--Dogma is very positive on Christianity and religion in general, just down on letter-of-the-law Catholicism. The only knock on the Mormons in Orgazmo is that they’re very wholesome; the main character doesn’t lose his faith and finds a path that incorporates it.

Also, Kevin Smith telegraphs that you’re going to see something not-sexy well in advance, as a build-up to a gross-out joke. Parker springs squick on you instead of sex scenes just to screw with censor boards.

Stonehenge Apocalypse is a SyFy original movie that appears to have been made with a shoestring budget and a “scyence advysor” who spent the scriptwriting process alternating half-reading Wikipedia entries and huffing paint. The movie was Death Ship levels of bad, though nowhere near The Room, because at least the filmmakers knew they were doing this for a paycheck, rather than deluding themselves into thinking it was high art. The movie opens with an archeologist discovering Egyptian ruins in Maine, which triggers Stonehenge to start moving and vaporizing people with lightning. The filmmakers then go on to prove they have no idea what electromagnetism is and even less idea how biology works. (It’s not that somewhere Dr. Physics Professor is crying, it’s that he’s slitting his wrists because he just can’t take it any more.) In a delightful change of pace, however, ever decision made by the US military representatives is entirely sensible and defensible; something shockingly uncommon in movies in general.

Real Genius stars Val Kilmer and a whole bunch of people who apparently were never seen again. (Though the female lead is a dead ringer for Selma Blair.) In stark contrast, except for the abundance of highly visible lasers, the science seems pretty well thought-out and the technobabble is genuinely convincing. The movie definitely shows its 80s sensibilities (particularly the hair and clothes) but is nonetheless quite a good movie, especially for us geeky types.

mithrigil argued that the scene where the antagonist talks to Jesus (it makes sense in context) is the greatest movie scene of the 80s. I’d put it in the top 10, but the #1 ranked winner involves Miyagi-san and the application and removal of car wax.