chuckro | The JLA Goes To HELL!

Justice League of America 80-Page Giant 2011: Serious contender for worst comic this year. Jethrien guessed that this was the result of a dare made to a group of writers by a drunk at a company party. I really can’t contest that possibility. Actually, I think it's possible the writers were still hung over when they started writing, which explains the poor quality.

First off: If the JLA is in the title, it should perhaps be about the JLA, rather than random DCU characters, most of whom are not currently (and some of whom were never) members of the JLA. In fact, I think Supergirl and Donna Troy are the only current JLA members who appear.

The gimmick is that pairs of DC heroes appear in various circles of Dante's Hell. Several comment that it's different from the hells they've seen before, but no explanation for the change is ever given.

I knew this was going to be trouble when Green Arrow and Ragman are in the second scene. (Though Ragman seems brainwashed or something for a while; it wasn’t clear if he was trapped there or a fake hell-Ragman.) Thing is, Ragman is one of the few openly-Jewish heroes in the DCU. His powers come from a suit of rags made in Prague after the golem idea went pear-shaped. What’s he doing in a Christian conception of hell?

Superman and Red Tornado get put in Limbo and tortured by visions of not belonging in two different worlds. Because they’re apparently separated from God because of this. Now, okay, putting Red Tornado among the “virtuous pagans” might make sense, but Superman? He was raised by fucking Kansas farmers! Also, he’s met lots of gods, but the Abrahamic God is the only one that hasn’t been revealed as a dickish alien who Superman eventually had to punch! There is no justification for him being in Limbo.

What the hell is going on with Wonder Woman, incidentally? This version basically grabs her characterization from five years ago (including a reference to her being on Paradise Island, which I don’t think currently exists) but wearing the new costume. Oh, and everyone knows who she is. And she's sent to Lust, for a plotline where demon-Batman tries to seduce her. Except that the Batman-Wonder Woman romance has pretty much only appeared in the Justice League cartoon, never in the comics.

Etrigan gets sent to Hell. Etrigan, the Demon gets sent to Hell. Nevermind that it’s been established Etrigan exists in Hell when he’s not occupying Jason Blood’s body, or that he’s been there leading demonic armies every other time a character has gone to hell. This is especially ridiculous when this came out in the same month that Green Arrow and Jason Blood are fighting super-demon Etrigan in the Star City forest in Brightest Day.

And Lobo. Lobo, who is strictly forbidden from entering Hell (or Heaven). It’s listed as one of his superpowers. He even mentions it! Lobo, who ends up in Greed, (not, say, Wrath, which would actually make sense, given that his most noteworthy crime was GENOCIDE), and is being all buddy-buddy with the heroes. Lobo is not a hero. Lobo is not your friend. Lobo is “he who devours your entrails and thoroughly enjoys it.” What the hell?

And as you might have noticed, the choices of which characters went to which circles seemed practically random. Bulleteer and Donna Troy are labeled as heretics because they’re an atheist and a pagan, respectively. (We seem to have a problematic definition of “heretic”, here.) John Stewart went to Treachery...because he was prideful and a planet got destroyed? Oracle got sent to Gluttony, because...things!

It was written by a dozen different writers who apparently didn’t talk after the initial dividing up of circles and characters. Which means that most of the chapters are the same series of events with slightly different details (heroes appear in hell, demons try to make them submit to punishment, they overcome the punishment and punch the demons, the find a mysterious item that lets them escape). It also means that some of them quote Dante, some of them don’t; some of them try to lampshade what’s going on, some of them don’t; and none of them seem to know the characters or established DCU cosmology beyond their Wikipedia entries.

The final story obviously was drawn by an atrist who didn't know what the others were doing, because serveral characters switch costumes--John Stewart has a mask appear, Oracle changes her clothes, and Zatanna gains calf-boots. Also, it features Blaze and Satanus (so, apparently it's in-continuity with Reign in Hell?) tricking the heroes into gathering a macguffin: A magical "Hell Mask" that can mind-control anybody, even God.

...mind...control...God.

Aaaaand, I just can't top that. G'night folks!